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Background.
I work in a music store, finding you the song you heard on the radio. It may have had the word love in it... or glove.

Act 1. 0900.
Team Member calls in sick. Managers RDO - she is also currently unreachable by phone. I'm left to work a 9 hour day, no lunch break.

Act 2. 15003.
Phone rings, and it is a regular customer who generally timesucks a good 15 minutes just asking about what stock we have in store. There's no one else in store, so I'm not particularly fussed, and go about searching for his DVD whims. TS (time suck) is also known for dropping a few grand in store, so his TS now, works out equally in the end.

Act 3. 1510.
I'm still on the phone with TS and I smile at another customer as she approaches the counter, while making the (what I've always assumed to be) universal sign for 'hi, I'm on the phone, won't be long'. TS is still rattling off his list and I'm still checking his requests on the computer.

Act 4. 1512.
TS is still going, I'm still searching, and Lady is getting impatient. I start to attempt to end TS's call, mentioning that I'm the only one in store and that there are customers waiting, in the little chat that we're having as I wait for his stuff to search on our computers.
Lady starts to yell at me 'Would you like me to come back another time that's more convenient for YOUUU.'

I don't even get a chance to put TS on hold to apologise, before she storms out of the store calling me a rude bitch, and swearing never to return, all at the top of her voice.

I apologise to TS for the interruption, and we finish up with his list.

Act 5. 1530.
Now off the phone with TS, and serving other customers. I'm looking for a cd for a customer, and stormer-outerer from before storms back in.

She starts yelling again, I'm still a rude bitch, she's still never shopping here again - but alas, what is this in her daughters hand? It appears to be a case for High School Musical 3, and against her promises to never return and shop with us, she does.

Hold up lady. I'm the rude one? Buh!?!
* * *
I'm closing this journal. I don't like looking back on the girl I was.
Hindsight's always 20/20.
I have a new one though, written by a different girl.
Retro_Vinyl.
You can find me in a search for 'site and user'.
* * *
See ya mate.
I feel loved.
* * *
Smile, just because you're told to.
I'm getting good at smiling on command, though i'm not sure whether it's to reassure them, or myself.
My dreams make less sense in the light, then they do running through my head.
I'm at work, not doing anything particular, counting money.
Sturt shoots me, and as I lay dying Dolly ends up in my arms
The dream book say's it's a trust issue.
Or maybe I just have a fascination with armed robbery?
100 pages in Times New Roman 12pt font can't always be right.
I want icecream with big chunks of frozen chocolate, a neverending battery for my gigabeat, and to lie down never to get up... In that order.
A wormhole connects the neverending pit in my stomach to a hole in my head/heart.
One night? One more time. I'd like to pretend that I couldn't, never in a million years. When YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES runs in front of my eyes like a billboard in Time Square.
My no's are lies, and we both k/no/w.
* * *
I was designed to break your heart. my only real crime is my obsession with documenting it.and maybe the way i still love you after the flash on the camera cools off.

Things that Courteney is pissed off about at the moment.
Uni.
Uni.
Uni.
Luke.
Uni.
Uni.
Uni.
This pit in my stomach.
Uni.
Being left alone for a week.
Uni.

* * *
* * *
Sometimes I want to scream at her 'Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up!' Because frankly i'm getting rather sick of listening to her snide comments about everything that I say, and I mean everything. Not one thing I said last night went uncontested. She picked, picked, picked until I honestly wanted to say 'goodnight, I'm going home.' Which I would have, had I not already consumed some alcohol.
I don't know what was with all the stupid comments about my parents as well,
"Let's drive Courteney's car if it smashes her parents will buy her a new one. Let Courteney drive, if she crashes your car, her parents will buy you a new one. I think your parents have too much money." Because what the fuck? So what my parents have money? So what they've got real estate and a larger-than-normal house? I don't make comments about their parents and what they buy, why do it to me?
It pisses me off because for the last couple of months, with her and dwayne, it feels as though i've been on 24 hour complaint call, if he messages her, if he doesn't message her, if she wants him to message her so she can use his message to prove something to herself. It all comes back to me. But she doesn't have enough time to listen to the same problems that I'm having with Luke, and I've got a breaking point too. I don't want her to just stop telling me stuff, cause she's my friend, I just want to know that if i'm going to be ther for her, she's going to be there for me, and lately It just doesn't feel like it. I think I need to spend some time apart from her. Cause if not, I shall snap like a snappy thing, and she may lose her head.

On the other hand, Fall Out Boy concert is in 5 days. I get to meet the guys, and I'm rather excited.
* * *
I'm a little lost, a little lonely, and a little confused.
I realised today, I don't know a thing... about myself, my life... anything, and that's probably what's making me the most lonely of all. I had plans dammit, and so far, i've only been able to fulfill one of these plans... the rest have either fallen by the wayside, or just been abandoned all together, never to be seen again.
I've kind of got a feeling that the map I just threw out the window is somehow needed on this trip that I'm on at the moment.
I'm going back to uni this year, to (attempt to) finish my communications degree. I have a feeling that my grace period has run out, no more excuses, no more needs to get out of my system. I need to grow up. Unfortunately.
The scariest thing is that i'm not in the slightest way scared/nervous/excited... I'm blase about the whole experience... and when I get blase, I get bored... very very quickly.
I'm over Luke... when a guy starts quoting Damien Leith to me, the relationship is basically doomed... say what you want, but in your own words, not some Mark Holden penned, idol winning song.
I am jaded.
I am lost.
I am Courteney.
I am under construction, dancing to my own beat, and tripping over my shoes.
I am not 'Myself'.
I'll be back around my way again some time, leave a light on for me.
Current Location:
Home.
Current Mood:
blah blah
Current Music:
Fall Out Boy - Champagne for my real friends,....
* * *
FUCK YOU.

I know your hurt people that you,
love and those who care for you.
I want nothing to do with the things,
your going through.

This is the last time,
I give up this heart of mine.
I'm telling you that i'm a broken girl
who's finaly realised.
Your standing in moonlight,
But your black on the inside.
Who do you think you are to cry?
This is Goodbye.

I'm a little dazed and confused,
lifes a prick, and so are you.
All my days have turned into nights,
Cause living without, without, without you
in my life.
And you wrote the book on how to be a liar.
Did I mean nothing at all?
Was I just another ghost thats been in your bed?

Current Music:
McFly - Bubblewrap.
* * *
I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me.
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me.
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
when they speak me
,
my thoughts when they think me,
my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
my life when they murder by means of my
hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me.
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take
when
old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
waves call me to folly and the desert calls
me to doom and the beggar refuses
my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,

Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
humanity
, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
one face, a thing, and against all those
who would dissipate my entirety
, would
blow me like thistledown hither and
thither or hither and thither
like water held in the
hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

----Louise Macniece
* * *
My thoughts are driving faster than an unregistered car in the Northern Territory, and i've really got no way to pull the hand-brake on them, so i have decided to vomit them from the tips of my fingers. Hmm, projectile vomiting at it's best. 10 streams (or 8 if you want to get particular and call a thumb, a thumb) of vomit, shooting from my fingers, on to the keyboard and up on to my screen. PSHHHTTT... or would that be BLEURGH?? Hmm.
I'm not over him, but then again, I'm not really sure that I want to be over him. He promised to never hurt me, something that I beleived, but took with a grain of salt, because frankly, you can hurt someone even if you think you've got their best intersts at heart. It's all perception, and right now, i'm percepting a break of 5 days and no communication. Not that you could count the last contact as communication - "Sorry, still alive. Just been really busy." It's kind of like flashing a great big NO VACANCY IN MY HEART FOR YOU! sign. He's reserved, and the only person that had/s him broken is the one whoes face I would like to break... purely for dramatic effect. I wouldn't really like to break her face, because to do that would require coming face to face with HER, and knowing (or not knowing, but comnig back to perception again) she's probably grow a freaky great claw out of her foot, you know, like that scary arse dinosaur from Jurassic Park, spit in my face with her poison saliva, and then split open my stomach with her massively-freaky-great-claw-foot.
Why did they not have a backup generator for the electric fences in that movie anyway? That was a bit irresponsible on the docs part.
Why aren't McDonalds burgers very filling? I tried one of their double beef and bacon burgers today, and man, 5 hours later i'm dreaming of a grilled cheese sandwich. I wonder if our oven actually has a grill... i'm going to have to find out sometime.
Do I sleep in my bed tonight? Or on the floor? It's already set up all on the floor, so I figured it'd take less time and just kind of fall/pass out on to the floor/nest of covers. So I think I'll sleep there.
Damien won Australian Idol, and i'm glad. He's got an amazing voice, and I think that there is definitely a place he can fill in the void that is quickly becoming known as 'The Australian Music Industry'. Lately all it seems to be filled with is Neighbours stars and The Veronicas. Or maybe that's just Rocky. Yeah, probably just Rocky.
They're making Rocky's airport in to an International one. Which I mean, is woo great. But it's kind of got me scratching my head. You can only go to four places, in Australia, directly from Rocky. Townsville, Cairns, Brisbane and Sydney (on a good day). So wouldn't it make more sense to connect with some of the larger cities in our own country, like say, I dunno, the rest of the Capital Cities, before we decide to even attempt international arrivals?
What happens if you put an aerosol can in the freezer?
Why in the world do geckos insist on hiding out in the door frame? Idiots, that's where the door goes when you close it. I've squished three in the last 2 days because of their idiocity. NEWSFLASH! I don't check the door frames for Geckos.
The noise they make when the door hits them is really scary.
Drake Bell makes me laugh, he's rather cute and very funny.
I want Drake and Josh go to Hollywood for Christmas. Lord knows I need cheering up.
If I changed my msn name to PS - Fuck you, I have a feeling that he would pick up on it. I wrote two words and he's like, 'You don't have to be so blunt.' All I said was that's cool. Pfft.
He had to go to work, he signed in for a whole like 3 minutes. PFFT!
Wow, overly using the word Pfft. Is Pfft even a word? It's very onomatopoeia-ish. I bet bump and crash sounded stupid when someone first decided to use them.
I'm revolutionising the dictionary.
I want to get high. I want to escape for just a little while. Jess may hate her job, but right now I'm hating my life and my job is the only thing that seems right. Man I love Sanity.
Current Music:
McFly - Motion in the Ocean.
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